Act of Mercy

Sometimes I think one of the cosmic reasons I am unmarried is because Someone knows that I am a greater responsibility than that for which any individual can be reasonably held accountable. There is a distinct possibility they I may not have been assigned a partner in life because I require a team. I consider the redeeming purposes served by a successful and worthwhile marriage: counsel, companionship, and cooperation. Then I reflect on how many people in my life have been required to ensure even my most minute success.


For instance, it can't be normal that I require a diligent squadron to prevent me from setting fire to my surroundings. My dad steered me, with threats and ultimatiums, away from pursing a career in pyrotechnics; my sophomore lab partner Dietrich delivered my college chemistry section from certain explosion by guarding my contributions to the experiments; and my beloved roommate repeatedly removed me from drunken bonfires and flaming Sambouca shots.


As far as companionship, my daily wordcount can't be normal, either. I read someplace that women, on average, speak 20,000 words a day, whereas men may use as few as 5,000. Surely I exceed the 20,000, which is far and away too great a verbal burden for one man to primarily bear. For this same category, I must also consider my great passions and tempers--which are decidedly an assault on general order and solemn decorum. In fact, the only known subduing force is a significant amount of alcohol. (It should be noted here that my primary beverage is its opposite, coffee.)


And finally, it requires an Atlantean effort to coax me into cooperation. I would decidedly prefer to carry the world on my own shoulders, thank you very much. Furthermore, I am quite convinced mine is the best possible plan for doing it. I don't forsee a ready submission to someone who is contending for a share of my universe. Perhaps, for my own good, I must have my current arrangement: I am duped into cooperation by by surrendering in several tiny ways to a great many people, not one particular partner. The sum total of the cooperation is probably the same, but I don't have to acknowledge defeat.

So, it is a distinct possiblity one man would never be enough. And it may be a Cosmic act of mercy to spare someone the job of managing me.

Of course, I don't hold this to be an explicative certainty; most days I doubt this is even the case.

But it sure does make a great answer to those who pose impertinent questions.